School's out for summer!

School is out for summer! And standard level education is out forever! Is this not incredible or what? I really don't know how to deal with it. I am sitting here with no homework to do, thinking about how most of my friends still have homework to do. It is a bazaar feeling. A lot of people ask me, "are you excited?" So here is my answer. I am excited that I am leaving BHS and that I get to go somewhere where I can do what I actually want to. I am excited that summer is here and there are quite a few people I am happy I will never see again. Sorry if that sounds mean. But here is the other half. I am sad that I am never going to see some fellow seniors again. I mean I have known some of them since elementary school. Now that's scary! And even though summer is here, I know it is going to fly by. As much as I am excited, I would be a lot more excited if I didn't have to work and neither did my friends. Then everything would be perfect. Conflicted feelings stink. haha. But school is out anyway so how unhappy can I really be?!

Fear

One thing that I know is flowing through me right now is fear. I have nine days of school left and so much ahead of me. It wasn't me who made me think of this though, it was someone else. He let me know that he was scared, scared of me leaving next year. What is it that we are all scared of? I know we have different reasons:

"Will we still be friends if she goes off to college? Will I ever get to see her? Will she even care about me? Will she move on? Will she need me any more? Will she grow up and I will miss it? Will I be lonely without her? How do I deal with the time when she is not around? What will I do at lunch? Can I trust her? What am I missing out on while she is gone?"

I know that these are a few of the questions people are probably thinking, but I have some questions myself:

"How will I change? What kind of stress will I have to deal with? How do I meet new people? How will I deal with missing my friends? Will I have time to go home? How will my parents and friends handle it? Will we make it? Will I pass? How do I deal with living with someone else? Why am I going again?"

I have fears, you have fears. It is frickin scary! I know the only way I can do this though is through support from my friends and family that are so scared, and from God. Now that scares me. I don't think I have heard from God for awhile now, but that is a whole different issue. I am hoping that we can look past the fear and have faith in God and each other. I hope that this fear can go away and we can enjoy the time we have. I still have 3 months, I know that doesn't sound like much, but we have to make the most of it. Please don't be scared and I won't be scared. The only thing we can do is pray for the best and rely on the friendships and trust we already have. I thank you for caring so much for me and I promise I will always do the same...whether I am here...or in Newberg...

Pain Hurts, that is probably why it is called pain

So today it hit me that I keep getting disappointed by my friends. I am at a point where I can't tell when they are lying to me even. Today it really hurt to find out one of them is actually keeping a big part of their life hidden from me. I don't understand why. I haven't done anything to any of my friends. I have always been completely open with them all. I would never judge them or hurt them. I will always be there for them through anything. So why are they hiding stuff from me to keep away the pain when really it is just causing more pain?

Love

I love you

Smile, It makes the world go round

I just wanted to tell anyone who is reading this to smile. There is nothing better than to be able to put a smile on someone elses face. The only way this will happen though is if we smile in the first place. It doesn't hurt to smile, in fact it helps you lose calories...but then again everything does....Anyway my point is, smiling makes yourself happy, smiling makes others happy, and smiling makes me happy!

Just so you know

So I thought I would let you in on why I am creating this blog. I am actually not quite sure myself. It just seems like somewhere I can speak my mind and write what I am feeling. Myspace is just too big and I don't want to write on there. I can actually admit that I have been inspired by Mindy and got the motivation to create this. I hope you find what I say interesting to read and if you don't then you don't have to read it. Ok, so I will talk to you all soon.